


Feeling Used

by SarcasticSmiler



Series: Chicken AU [6]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chicken!AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8505148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler/pseuds/SarcasticSmiler
Summary: Dwalin gets Nori to do something without telling him why, exactly, he's doing it.





	

“Shit,” Nori cursed as he almost tripped over the small black hen that suddenly squatted in front of him. “Dwalin?”

“What?” Dwalin grunted, shifting the sack of chick crumb on his shoulder.

“What’s she doin’? She alright?” Nori asked after the hen didn’t move, not even when he nudged her with his foot.

“What? Oh, nah, she’s fine, just gently grab the feathers on the back of her head.”

“What?” Nori took a turn in asking.

“Feathers, back of her head, see where there’s less than everywhere else?”

“Yeah,” crouching down, Nori carefully pinched the area of thinning feathers. “Now what?”

“With your other hand, ruffle the feathers on her back at the base of her tail.”

Frowning in confusion, Nori did as he was told, ruffling the hens feathers for a few brief moments, till Dwalin told him to stop. Letting go of the bird, he quirked a brow as she instantly stood up, shook herself, and continued on her merry way.

Before Nori had a chance to even _think_ about asking Dwalin what he’d just done, the tattooed hulk was already traipsing off down the path. Scrambling to his feet, Nori trotted off after him, bag of dried mealworms swinging from his wrist.

It wasn’t until a week later that Nori remembered to ask about it.

Sitting in Bilbo's garden Ori off playing with Fíli and Kíli, Nori sank down in the comfortable garden chair, holding his tea in one hand while crumbling up bits of Victoria sponge for Bilbo's bluebell girls with the other.

“You know they won’t leave you alone if you feed them cake,” Bilbo pointed out with a smile.

“They helped make it,” Nori shrugged, with a smile of his own, “so it makes sense they’d get to share it.”

“Nori?” Ori called.

“Yeah, kid?”

“What’re they doing?”

Looking at his little brother, Nori found him standing next to the pen on the grass containing some of Thorin’s Sumatras; as he watched one of the hens squatted down and the cock happily jump on, beak instantly grabbing the feathers on the back of her neck.

“Er…”

“They’re just mating, Ori,” Bilbo supplied, saving Nori from answering. “That’s one of Thorin’s breeding trios.”

“So they’ll have chicks later?”

“If all goes well, yes.”

“Oh, ok,” Ori chirped, smiling as he went back to playing.

“You alright there, Nori?” Bilbo asked, noticing the deep frown on Nori’s face.

“Out of curiosity,” he said slowly, trying to wrap his head around it, “if you had some hens that didn’t have a cock to mate with and they did that squat thing, what do you do?”

“Well, you can either ignore them and they’ll stand eventually, or you just simulate what the cock does to a degree and ruffle their feathers,” Bilbo shrugged, taking a sip of his tea, not seeing the look of horror on Nori’s face.

“He _used_ me,” he gasped.

“Pardon?”

“Dwalin _used_ me as some…some _sex toy_ for his _chicken_!”

“Oh dear.”

“That feather pecked, bird brained…”

“Nori, Nori listen to me,” Bilbo tried.

“I am _not_ a sex toy! I _will not_ be used for the _masturbation_ habits of _chickens_!”

“Nori!”

“What?!”

“Listen! It’s not the same thing as if done to a human, you’re not…” Bilbo flushed, hands flapping about, “ _sexually pleasuring_ a chicken.”

“Then why do it?”

“Because it’s easier than leaving them there and them doing it time and time again in front of you. If you ruffle their feathers then they’re happy for a while and won’t trip you when you’re not expecting it.”

“Oh if that’s the case,” Nori sneered, “then why not go all the way, stick a finger up there and be done with it.”

“That wouldn’t be right at all,” Bilbo grimaced. “Nori, cocks don’t have, well, cocks.”

That pulled Nori up short, as he blinked stupidly for a moment before asking, “So what do they do then?”

“They spit,” Bilbo shrugged, taking a calming sip of tea, as Nori seemed to choke on his own saliva at the answer.

“Oh that’s gross,” Nori finally managed to say, before grumbling. “Dwalin’s still in trouble for using me like that, though.”

“I’m sure he’ll make it up to you,” Bilbo said, smiling slyly, “after all he’s got more at his disposal than a cock has.”

Nori proceeded to choke and splutter on the gulp of tea he’d just taken, as Bilbo's _evil_ cackles mixed with the joyful laughter of the children.


End file.
